Animorphs Author Awards 2000
by Saber Tooth
Summary: The 2000 AniFic author awards. I was doing this before anyone else, so don't go saying I copied. Please R&R, and some of you (you know who you are!) get huge parts in the fic! For a list of cameos see the beginning. Please click and have fun! (Note: at fi


# Animorphs Author Awards -- 2000

## Saber Tooth

_Authors that make an appearance (in order & excluding the author of this weird fic):_

Forlay  
Sky Sorceress, Veravine, Scorpion  
Çtarsis, Amalin, RenegadeLegacy  
Ruby, Tobiasrulz, L'Angel  
Anisky, Semeir, Meridian  
Paige Collins, Meeko, Pinto  
Jason, PikaCheeka, Office Supplies  
Angel, ihatekat, AniBlaire  
*~Amethyst~*, ShannonL, You'dNeverGuess  
Rb, Rachel Brooke, Jenaque  
Ninde

And our favorite resident psycho-nut: D.M.P. You go, girl! ^_~ 

    There were perhaps 300 fanfic authors in all. The Candidates, their family, their friends, their friend's family, their next door neighbors, their children, and their goats. In the front row sat the 10 Candidates up for the Best Ani-Fic Author Award. They were: Forlay (and her pet octopus, Inky), Sky Sorceress, Veravine, Scorpion, Çtarsis (pka Ax's Girl), Amalin, RenegadeLegacy, Ruby, Tobiasrulz, and L'Angel.     Forlay was gently stroking Inky's purple fur, Sky Sorceress was trying to have a converation with Amalin while contstantly swatting bite-sized flying purple monkey/mosquitos away from her, Veravine was typing away into her laptop frantically (in all her fanfic writing she missed one or two hundered homework assignments), Scorpion was busy beating off one of those darn Predators with a coat-rack, Çtarsis was trying to break up a fight between her two most sexist characters, RenegadeLegacy was busy gutting one of the author's personas with her scythe, Ruby was bitch-slapping the author for apparent reason, and L'Angel was flattening out the wrinkles in her favorite jeans.     Tobiasrulz's mommie was trying to shove a hankercheif into the pocket of her daughter's suit she made her wear just for the convention so she could be incredibly evil and annoying.     "MOM!" she cried desperately. "I will NOT get my post-nasal drip on the stage! Cut it out, you're embarrassing me!" Tobiasrulz's mommie realized this, of course, which is why she was continuing. For she was a mother, and a loving mother's job is to embarrass their children in public during a once-in-their-lifetime event. Finally, Tobiasrulz snapped her fingers, and her mommie was suddenly suited in a nice, warm and comfy jacket that was a little too tight around the arms and legs.     "Oh, a strait-jacket! I've always wanted one of these!" She gave her daughter a kiss and hopped off to go show her husband. (By now, a great many people were staring.) 

    Nobody noticed the quiet girl crouching in the back of the theater by the electric equipment, secretly plotting to assassinate all the VIW's, although a few people stared at the Uzi she held casually at her side, and the belt of stakes going around her waist. In her other hand, behind her back, she held her favorite pike. 

    The lights lowered, and a man walked out on stage. "Good evening ladies, gentlemen, octupi and goats, and welcome to the annual FanFic Author's Grammy Awards." There was a deafening applause, and the man lifted off his toupee and patted his bald head with a hankie. He then placed his hair back on calmly, and a woman came running up to him from side stage. She whispered something into his ear. "OK, OK, I'll change your diap-- I mean, no, she hasn't arrived yet..."     Semeir was in the back, crying into the shoulder of her stuffed Skrit Na Bear. Why? she asked. Why aren't I up there?    The stuffed animal looked up at her and said: "Because all you write is that steamy sap with Andalites having a screw-fest!" Semeir slammed it against the wall, and it got a far-off look in its eye. "Because, dear Semee, they do not have the intelligence to recognize your magnificient gift of writing." She eye-smiled and gave it a big hug. 

    The curtains opened, and a beautiful woman in a black sparkled dress appeared. She looked astounding.     The other Candidates, who were up for awards other than Best FanFic Author Grammy, began to whisper among themselves, and a low buzz began to fill the audience.     "Did you _see_ his head? It's bald!" Meridian whispered, then burst out laughing.     "Shut up!" Paige cut her off. "Look at her _dress_! It is, like, sooooo tacky!"     "I like it!" Meeko hissed.     "Nobody asked you, Racoon Girl!" spat Pinto.     "What. Did. You. Just. Call. Me?" She glowered at the girl across from her dangerously.     "Racoon Girl." With that, Meeko leapt out of her seat and landed on top of Pinto. "DIE!!!" she screamed. "DIE!" The girl from the back watched, amused, as Pinto attempted to shake a frothing gerbil (for now, Meeko had transformed into a rodent) off her. The gerbil climbed up the poor girl's neck and starting nibbling into her main artery. The other armed girl in the back of the theatre, a good five-thousand feet away, gently placed down her pike and aimed her Uzi. As much as she liked Meeko and her stories, she liked Pinto's more. She put the silencer on her gun, and aimed at point-blank range. She pulled the trigger.     _FWITT!_ As soon as it hit Meeko in the ear, she immediately transformed back to human and slumped back down to her seat. Blood was running down the side of her head, and if you were watching, something could be seen trying to worm its way out of her ear. Paige Collins was watching.    "YEERK!" she shrieked. Meridian, Pinto, Paige and her invisible friend Bob the Purple Elephant all stared down in horror as the slimy slug made its way out of an almost-crushed ear canal. Finally, Bob the Purple Elephant -- who just so happens to be invisible because he doesn't exist -- gathered his wits and stomped the Yeerk down into Lala Land, making sure not to crush Meeko's skull. Even though she was already dead.     Suddenly, an eleven-year old boy named Jason came in shrieking like a dead chicken. He ran around the entire theatre, ran past the door, turned around towards the door and ran through it without bothering to open it. 

    Back to the stage. "MUSIC!" she called. Suddenly, the speakers began to belt out: 

    UM YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH     YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH     I THINK I DID IT AGAIN     I MADE YOU BELIEVE     WE'RE MORE THAN JUST FRIENDS-- 

    "NOOOO! THE LIVE MUSIC YOU MORONS!" _Oops!... I Did It Again_ stopped playing. Britney Spears suddenly walked onto the stage and adjusted the mike. 299 people, with Meeko now dead, moaned and covered their ears.     "Early morning..." Titney Queers started.     Oh _yaolin!_ Semeir cried. What is that horrid noise?!     "She wakes up, knock knock knock on the door..."     Suddenly, a lost Psyduck ran onto the stage. "Psi-ai!" He looked at Britney and then turned back to the audience.     "Psyyy." It was clear there was nothing he could do to help. PikaCheeka then ran out and Thunder-Bolted Britney. Her plastic (which was 99% of her body) began to melt.     "That's gonna leave a mark," L'Angel commented.     "Psyduck!" Veravine slammed her lap-top down and jumped onto the stage. "I told you not to follow me!"     "Psy aiii?" it asked sadly. She bent down and scratched it behind its non-existent ears.     "Oh, it's alright. Come on, you can help with my homework."     "Psy!" Psyduck began to run after Veravine, but he tripped and stumbled off the stage. He bounced up like nothing had happened, and ran over to the laptop. "Psyaiaiaiaiaiai!" it said excitedly.     As Britney began to melt, her singing became more strained.     "It's ... *cough* time for maaaaaaaaaaaaake-up... *cogh wheeze cough* perfect smile..." She suddenly melted into a pile of liquid plastic. No more smiles for her. PikaCheeka, her work now done, jumped off the stage and ran to find her seat. Britney's Puddle of Goo suddenly disappeared, and everyone applauded.     The woman in the red dress tapped on the mike. "Now that our interesting little... _episode_ is over, we're about to announce the Author of the Stupidest AniFic award!" There were many whistles, and the whole theatre applauded. The 5 Candidates up for this award (including the author of this moronic piece of crap himself) fidgeted nervously. "The Candidates," the woman began, "are: Office Supplies, with _Cassie's Perfect Bikini_; Paige Collins, with _Jake's Horrible, Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Day_; Angel with _Oops!... I Beat You Again_, Saber Tooth for his piece of trash _0h, Evil Monkeys Can Fly_; and _ihatekat_ by ihatekat -- it was so dumb it wasn't even a fic! The person who wrote it was a complete moron!" Boo's erupted in the crowd. "And the winner for Author of the Stupidest Fic ever is ..." everyone in the audience took a deep breath, as the paramedics wheeled in to remove Meeko's body. It was leaving stains on the seats and floor. "ihatekat! That moronic idiot who has absoultely no f---ing life whatsoever!!!" ihatekat walked up onto the stage waving, and the Boo's were much louder now.     "Die!" hissed the girl with the Uzi. She used her silencer and ihatekat fell to the floor lifeless.     "Oh, well," the woman holding the award said. "The runner-up is... _Angel_! Congratulations!!!" Angel walked up to the podium in awe.     "I - I won!" she croaked up. She cleared her throat and flattened her jeans. "Er, ahm, well... I would like to thank everybody here tonight, and everyone who reads and reviews my fics. Without them, I wouldn't be here today. I'd also like to thank ihatekat for dying, and whoever shot her for doing so. I'd like to thank my mom, my dad, my aunt and identical twin step-sister, my next-door neighbor's goat. . ." she went on for about an hour when she suddenly sizzled and disappeared in a wisp of smoke.     There were screams. Everybody recognized what had just happened, but they were too frightened to actually say it out loud. Saphrin was the first.     "ANTI-FIC BULLETS!!!" she shrieked. The screams erupted into more shrieks of terror.     "HELP! Oh, God, help me!"     "Noooo!" 

    The girl in the back had gotten bored, and long speeches pissed her off. She had managed to swipe some more exciting ammo. 

    The only fanfic author in the theatre who would even _think_ about having Anti-Fic bullets moved his hand to his small side-pouch in panic. Phew. It was still there. He put his hand in to close around the bullets for comfort when...     They were gone! The pouch was empty!!! 

    AniBlaire jumped up screaming with the rest of the people. 

    The girl in the back took the silencer off her gun. She wanted people to know she was here. _POP! POP! POP!_ Three more AniFic authors known as *~Amethyst~*, ShannonL, and You'dNeverGuess sizzled out of Fic Existence. Quickly, The Mystery Murderer hid her weapons in the corner and stepped out into the crowd, making the most ear-piercing shriek of all. (She was a very good actress.) Suddenly, she tripped and fell.     "HELP MEEEEEEE!" She shrieked pleadingly. Paige Collins ran over and grabbed her hand. The Mystery Girl smiled. "Sucker." With that, she drew out a small dagger and thrust it into Paige's abdomonen, and she turned into a pile of smoke and disappeared. "I love Anti-Fic metal," the other girl said, wiping it off and putting it back down her boot. She ran up onto the stage and grabbed the mike.     "People, may I have your attention? Please remain calm. There were some technical difficulties that our special effects department is already working on. THERE ARE NO ANTI-FIC BULLETS. They were banned ever since the Horrid FanFic War of 1999. Please remain calm. Thank you." She jogged off-stage, smiling. Humans were such idiots.     A few people settled down, that is until the girl who just made the anouncement slipped back into the shadows and another _FWITT!_ could be heard if you were listening closely. Suddenly, by request, a herd of dancing purple elephants stampeded through the theatre and trampled Amalin to death. The Anti-Fic bullet was in mid-air, about to hit Tobiasrulz when. . .     A flash of yellow! The bullet was snatched out of the air and Rb landed on her feet with a loud THUD! "Oh, Rb!" Tobiasrulz cried. "My HERO!" They embraced.     "Tobiasrulz," Rb began, "about what I said -- I didn't mean it. I don't want a divorce."     "Me neither," Tobiasrulz sniffled. Suddenly, a woman in a strait-jacket hopped up and kissed Tobiasrulz on the forehead. "Oh, my little baby is all grown up!"     Saber Tooth, who was getting really tired of this fic getting out of hand, snapped his hands and Paco the Spanish Speaking Idiot appeared. He began to jabber away. "Ah, mi señora, Ud. es muy bonita. ¿Puedo tengo este cancíon?" Tobiasrulz mommie jumped up in delight. "Por supuesto!" They ran off into the sunset together, dancing the Lambada the whole way. 

    Saber Tooth stood on the stage, trying to get everyone's attention. "Ok, this fic is out of hand, now, if we can -- no, Andalite Girl, don't graze on the carp-- No! Stop! _Thank_ you!" He kept trying to quiet the crowd down. Çtarsis walked on stage and shoved him casually aside. She brushed her hair behind her shoulders, then stuck her pinkies in her mouth and let out a truly glass-shattering whistle.     **SSSSEEEEEEEEEW-SWWWWEY!!!!**     Everyone, even _Xilite_ and _Capir_ (who were in the middle of attempting to kill each other), stopped and stared up at her. (A/N: You have to know her to appreciate that line.)     "Thank you," Saber Tooth said.     "No prob." Çtarsis calmly walked off the stage and sat back down in her seat.     Saber Tooth spoke into the mike. "This is the Animorphs Author Awards Ceremony for the year 2000. Welcome. Since we're running out of time, we are going to introduce the awards a bit more quickly Than originally planned. The awards to be given out tonight are . . ." 

    "Best Overall Animorphs Fan Fiction - ALL fics submitted within the last 366 days are elligible; Best Overall Animorphs Fan Fiction Author" -- There were several cheers, and a few _Go, Forlay!_'s. 

    "Best Romance, Best Humor Fic, Best Slash Fic --" a few people gagged. Saber Tooth went on to name all the awards. 

    Since we have a limited amount of space, and we don't want you to fall asleep, we shall tell you the results. They are as follows: 

* * *

With the exception of Best Fic of the Year and Best New ___, fics may be as old as necessary to win. 

    BEST ROMANCE - Days After, **AniBlaire**     BEST HUMOR - Things the Animorphs Would Never Say Or Do, **Angel**     BEST SLASH - I'll Be Here, **Forlay**     BEST UNCONVENTIONAL FIC - A Whole New World, **Rachel Brooke**     BEST SELF-INSERTION - A Lack of Cents, **Rb**     BEST NEW SERIES - Gift of Gods, **Jenaque**     BEST POST-WAR FIC - Touched, **Mad Cow**     BEST FIC-CREATED CHARACTER - Peter from Peter's Creation by **D.M.P.**

* * *

    Saber Tooth cleared his throat. "And the nominees for best AniFic of the year are . . . ENEMY, by **Amalin** --" 

    "She's dead!" someone called. 

    "Then her goat can accept the award, I don't care. Eyes In the Skies, by **SkySorceress**." SkySorceress got a shocked look on her face and almost fainted. "The Power, by **Ninde**; and Hypnosis #12: Bullets, by **Ax's Gi**--     "It's Çtarsis, darn it! We BROKE up! Get that through your thin heads!"     "Erm, Çtarsis. And the best Animorphs Fan Fiction is . . ." Saber Tooth fumbled trying to open one of those damn little envelopes. "Oh, shit," he said. "It ripped. Oops, did I say that out loud?" Some people nodded. SORRY. ANYWAY, THE WINNER... 

    IS... 

    . 

     . 

     . 

     . 

     . 

     . 

     . 

     . 

    . 

    . 

    "ENEMY, by **Amalin**!" 

    Amalin's dead body jumped up and ran onto the stage excitedly to accept the Golden Rubik's Cube Award of FanFiction. (8-balls were _so_ out, and the Golden Rubik's Cubes were a nice challenge. You had to get all the gold squares on one side, all the gold on the second side, all gold for the third, and all gold on the fourth.)    **"I WON!"** she shrieked so loud the microphone made that damn squeaking noise. "Oops, sorry. I WON! OMGOMGOMG! Cool! Well, I want to ... erm... spank... no, no, that's not it... Thank! That's it! THANK! I would like to THANK, erm, Lee, my mom, my dad, The Psycopathic Mystery Murderer Girl in the back of the theater, Nat, Çtarsis, Akisis, Lee, and Saber Tooth." She wiped away a tear. "I don't deserve this, I really don't. . ." she help up the all-golden award again triumphantly with a huge smile on her face. "THANK YOU!" 

    Everyone went home happy that night, except for the people who died. 

        They weren't very happy. 

* * *

_    Love it? Hate it? Constructive criticism, destructive criticism, should I hang up my golden Rubik's Cube? Flames, suggestions, want to meet me in a dark alleyway... no, wait, scratch that last one. Just. . . review. Yeah, that's it. Review. BTW, the psychopathic murderer was Anisky, and poor Mad Cow was left out of the credits at the beginning. So sorry! ^_^
_

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